


Contain

by SleepsWithCoyotes



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - SCP Foundation, Crack, Gen, Implied Relationships, bystander fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 14:16:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11922648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepsWithCoyotes/pseuds/SleepsWithCoyotes
Summary: With the way Hannibal keeps abusing his secret superpower, someone really ought to investigate him for that.





	Contain

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://ciceqi.tumblr.com/) snippet--I keep throwing popcorn at the screen every time Hannibal abuses his secret superpower. It's a pity it's not Christmas; I'd have garland for days.
> 
> Also, if you've never taken a moment to browse the generally brilliant, often creepy and occasionally hilarious [SCP Foundation](http://www.scp-wiki.net/) site, you're really missing out. :D

The cafeteria of Site-06-3 isn't the greatest place to talk shop. Loose lips and all that. But it's been a pretty boring holiday season for once, and it's not like it's a _secret_ what they've just brought in. Or rather who. Or rather--

"I still say the guys upstairs have it all wrong," Agent List grumbles, swirling the remaining eggnog in his cup before knocking back half.

Agent Hopper snorts, chewing quickly to swallow the last bite of an uninspired turkey dinner. "What? You think they should downgrade him from Keter? He's sure as hell weird enough for Euclid, but--"

"What? No," List scoffs. "And what's so weird about a serial killer? Half the D-class personnel we've got here are some kind of killer. I just don't get why they're trying to _classify_ this guy instead of putting him to work."

Hopper stares. "Are you serious? You don't see anything weird about the Chesapeake Ripper."

"Nothing you can't convince a soccer team to do if you strand 'em just right."

"Unbelievable," Hopper mutters, shaking his head. "Do you not follow the news at all? This is a guy who placed a spur-of-the-moment call to another killer from a random phone that just _happened_ to be untraceable, like his voice just _happened_ to be unrecognizable to the sole survivor who took the call--and come on, you've heard the guy's accent."

"Traumatic amnesia," List counters, leaning back in his chair with narrowed eyes.

"He checks that same girl out of a mental institution--and she's like a minor or something, I mean, what the fuck--"

"Doctor-patient privilege?" List offers with a shrug, making a face.

"Nope, not his patient--and when the kid's real shrink shows up and finds the girl stoned off her head in the dining room, does she call Child Services? No. She sits down to dinner."

List squirms in his seat. "Okay, but that's _creepy_ , not weird. And isn't Lector, like...gay or something? I thought I heard--"

"He kills two girls with _deer horns_ , plants trace evidence on one, and somehow the guy he's framing just _happens_ to wind up murdered by someone he wants to blackmail. Are you seriously not seeing a pattern here?" Hopper demands, pushing his tray aside to lean over the table. "Because this guy might be smart as hell, but he's not using _any_ of his smarts to keep from getting caught. He just can't get caught! Period! He's like the Lucky Man of crime!"

"Yeah, but they did catch him, remember? For three years."

"Sure, because he wanted to get caught," Hopper says, rolling his eyes as he flops back in his own chair. Some people are too stubborn to listen to reason.

From the hallway outside the cafeteria, he can just make out someone cursing over a Christmas joke gone wrong, something about a deer that should fly but can't. Won't? And it's the wrong color, too.

"Uh-huh." List drawls skeptically. "So what's he doing getting categorized downstairs, then, if he can't be caught?"

They freeze in unison, the faint sneer falling off List's rapidly-blanking face.

Hopper twitches. "Didn't...they bring in a guy...recently. Scar on his face. Empathy rating off the charts."

List nods hesitantly, eyes huge.

That's not a Christmas joke out there, and if there's any red on that feathered stag's nose, it's damned sure not lighting Santa's way tonight.

"Fuck," Hopper breathes explosively, both of them lunging from their seats at once, sprinting for the cafeteria exit and the nearest panic button.

The facility lights, even the emergencies, flicker out before they get halfway there.

**Author's Note:**

> The "Lucky Man" mentioned above is found [here.](http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-181)


End file.
